1. “Just a Lil’ Sensitive”
10 days before: Why are my boobs so sore? Oh right…my period is coming soon. Didn’t I just finish?? Oh, the curse of a 28-day cycle!
2. “Gettin’ Swole”
7 Days before: “Swole” takes on a new meaning as boobs seem to expand an entire cup size and are impossibly tender. Hubby loves ‘em, but he’ll just have to enjoy from a distance for now.
3. “Gym Can Wait”
3 days before: Working out is great and all but even the low impact exercises are painful for the “girls” during this stage. Either we wrap them up in several bras so that they don’t move at all while we work out, or we opt for the couch and Netflix. The latter usually wins.
4. “Love Me TENDER”
Nobody come near me. No hugs, no nothing. I can feel your boob-crushing power from a mile away. Just give me chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. And maybe some tissues. For the tears that seem to flow with no explanation.
5. “The Beginning of the End”
And it begins! Thank God. Boobs are starting to settle back into their normal, just-existing routine. Now all we have to worry about is the limited supply of dark pants…and fitting into said pants after all of the chocolate and ice cream consumed in the last week.